About 3 weeks ago a friend of mine at work came up to me and discussed this kind of diet that he had been researching. He majored in chemistry in college and a good friend of his had gone through cancer and it prompted him to get back into his old roots and started digging around. To make a long story short, I have completely overhauled my diet. This diet has it's roots in what most would call a Ketogenic diet. Mine is fairly similar, but varies a bit because i'm using it to fight cancer. Most use it to lose weight or because they hate the taste of good food. The first day on the diet was a challenge, as you might expect. But I can honestly say that everyday since then I have felt amazing. It could be the diet, it could be the reduced amount of chemo I am on or a combination of the two. Who knows, but I feel great. Karen is so cute. She's been tempting me to come back to the darkside by putting pieces of oreo cookies in my toothbrush, putting cotton candy in my mouth while i'm sleeping, and shoving skittles in my mouth with her lips when we kiss goodnight. She's a real darlin.
A group of us went to see Pearl Jam when they were in Jax last week. When Trey bought the tickets, we weren't sure I'd be here to see it. I have to say, our perspectives have shifted quite a bit since then. We are thinking longer term life than previously before. I must say it's odd when you take on that mental shift and you see people who you haven't really communicated that to. You sit there and you are like, "why is this person looking like they are about to cry or something?" Feelings are so appreciated and loved by me when others express them...please don't take what I am saying the wrong way. I'm just saying, it's almost like, "You didn't read the newspaper in my head? I'm feeling great about everything! So you should be too!". That's all. Pearl Jam was amazing. I don't think anyone expects anything less from them. I was at the show with some of my best friends who I listened to the same songs together with when we were 16 or 17 and Karen was yet to be born. Eddie was much younger as well. That was pretty amazing. I'll just say this...Eddie Vedder at 51 is in better shape than I was when I heard his music at 16 or 17. Man is amazing. So passionate. I couldn't get over his passion for what he does. There is so much meaning in his music. So much he is trying to communicate through his position. It really made me think about my own passion in life.
I love my job, I love my Redskins, and I love Indian food...but none of them would I consider to be my passion. If you have read any of my blogs, it is probably pretty obvious to you what my passion is. My wife, Karen, and my stinky baby, Harper. I can see Eddie's intensity or passion in his music when I see his jugular when singing certain songs. Karen was on the lookout for it during the show. Some people/books have told me that finding your "strong reasons for living" can play a part in your recovery from things. Now, don't get me wrong, I love life. I have a great life with great people in it. But the fear that comes into my life with cancer doesn't really manifest itself until I think about my girls. Nothing gets my jugular like seeing them together sharing time, making memories, and giving me purpose.
I've always said that I would do whatever it takes to live on and be a part of the lives of my girls. Up until recently, that's just going along with what the doctors have told me to do. The diet is a decision that I came to on my own. Giving up soda, sugar (same thing), and almost every food I love for the rest of my life. Every time I've tried to change up my diet it's always been comforting to know that I can always have a cheat day or something along those lines. Now, I never think about that sort of thing. Cheating on this diet, in my mind, takes away the first opportunity I have to control anything in this fight against cancer. And in MY mind it makes me feel as if I've fallen short on the first try at doing the first of the anything that I said I would do to be a part of their lives as long as I can. Let's see....eating food that makes you feel horrible anyway or watching this baby grow up to look as pretty as her momma one day.
With love,
Brian
