So since our last scans I have had brain radiation and we began the 4 sessions of Yervoy- another kind of immunotherapy. 4 sessions and done. That's it. Very little side effects except I can outrun any Redskins or Jaguar wr if I feel the urge to go #2 coming on. Very short window of time. Moving on...Radiation left my face swollen and seemingly sunburnt (ironic). Head peeled...the whole 9. They said a common side effect of whole brain radiation is short term memory loss. Memory has never been a strength of mine, so now I have another card I can flash when I forget Karen's birthday. Around the time the new school year started most of the side effects had gone their way and left me feeling pretty close to normal again. My energy level is incredible. I can play with Harper and read to Karen at night when it's their bedtime. I can contribute around the house when it comes to the standard things that make a household run. Funny thing is that I have all this energy, but I don't eat anything. Fresh out of the shower I weigh 210. Most I've ever weighed is 310. So needless to say, I look amazing. You're welcome.
Let's get morbid. I told Karen a long time ago...that I wanted the song "Death and all of his friends" by Coldplay played at my funeral. Then a while after I was diagnosed I changed my mind...afraid that if I started that kind of unnecessary planning then I must be encouraging the cancer to do it's job soon and proper. So that was tossed out. Anytime we are nearing scans, all the fears and thoughts that accompany hearing the word cancer coming rushing back into your brain. I mean, it's not like it ever, for one minute leaves my thoughts, but the immediacy and realness of our current situation rushes back into our lives.
I had a random playlist running at work one day during the last 3 weeks. I'm sitting at my desk working with my headphones on and Death and all of his friends came on. I paused from what I was working on and listened to the song. It's my favorite Coldplay song, so a pause for a listen is justified, but this time I was trying to remember why I had wanted it played on my funeral. I remembered it was just the perfect combination of lyrics and music and how it applied the life Karen and I were living. The beginning of the song is very dream like. Starting out with just a piano, vocals, and the lyrics, "All winter we got carried away, over on the rooftops, let's get married." It just seemed to capture how I remember that time in our lives. Then the lyrics begin talking about patience and trying...a common theme in our lives since cancer dropped by. Then the song takes a different direction with the drums escorting in a more upbeat tempo and melody. I suppose back then I envisioned at the funeral pictures of our lives together flashing at this point with that part of the song as the backdrop. The lyrics then are, "No I don't want to battle from beginning to end, I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge. I don't want to follow Death and all of his friends." Now for me, the first bit about the battle was true. I didn't and don't want my life to just be about a battle with cancer. I want it to be life and fighting cancer is like brushing my teeth. Rarely happens, but is necessary to please others. The second part about recycled revenge- I applied this to how I never want to be bitter about what is happening to me...us. The final part " I don't want to follow Death and all of his friends"...well, obviously that's me not wanting to die, but also not wanting to live expecting too.
Well, with our recent bit of good news, I think about the slide show of pictures that are to plug into that slide show. But now with pictures that have yet to be taken. A LOT of pictures. Anyway, hope that wasn't too morbid. The thought of death lingering leaves you thinking of things you want to control. I did want to control that...briefly. Now I just want to focus on life and making moments that are worthy of a slide show that reflects a life well lived with those I love.
Here is a live performance of the song if you would like to take a look.
So the Newton family is pretty excited for: Fall, random trips, Halloween, Thanksgiving, football (even though the Skins and Jags haven't made it very enjoyable to watch), Christmas, New Years, time with friends and family, Harper's 3rd birthday, and giving this center of our universe back rubs before sending her off to sleep to charge her batteries so she can drain them on another day with her mom and dad.
Love all of you and looking forward to spending loads of worry free time with you. No wait I don't love Victor Simon.
Thank you for ALL the support, love, and prayers.
Brian
