Ride the lightning

            Last week, Karen, Harper and I hit the road and drove up to a house in the mountains of north Georgia. The house was in a small town called,  "Blue Ridge". It was a pretty long drive, but for me, the mountains are what the beach is to many Floridians. The trip was initially supposed to be my Christmas gift and was only supposed to be Karen, Harper, and me. After some conversation we decided it would make the most sense to include a few others on this trip. So Karen contacted a few people, and we ended up with about 32 people either staying or visiting the house we were staying in. It really was just a great excuse to get a lot of people we love or find attractive together to have a good time and forget about the last month for a few days. The house was not capable of holding everyone we would have wanted to be a part of this (landlord insurance policy), but we really tried to get as many people in there as we could without breaking house law. People came and went in waves- which worked out well for numbers. Some folks there I have known since I was a student in middle school and some others were there I have known since I was a teacher in middle school.
             You may remember a post I placed on Facebook a few weeks ago. It was of me and my friend Zak getting a lyric from a Pearl Jam song tattooed on our forearms. The lyric was split in half. The first half was on my arm and the second on his. Karen and I were getting tattoos that matched that day. When I arrived at the tattoo shop, I decided I wanted to get a third tattoo. I wanted to get a lightning bolt on my wrist. The placement was going to be in front of the lyric I was having inked as well. When the two were complete Zak, Karen, and my friend Jessica all thought that the lightning bolt was supposed to be a part of the lyric, so Zak ended up getting a lightning bolt as well to bookend the lyric. Karen handled her tattoo like a champ. I wish I could say I did. I was able to maintain a pretty good poker face during the process, but if i'm honest, the process was much more painful than I anticipated. Going in, I thought, "I have an 18 inch scar under my right arm from the mass removed this past August. I had my skull sawed open and then stapled shut. Trey has given me more purple nurples than I can count". Despite this resume of pain, the tattooing ended up being an experience I would have preferred to have been medicated for. So the message here is that if you have survived the inking process, you are certainly able to endure the pain of skull splitting. After Zak, Karen and I were complete my friend Jessica decided that she would go ahead and get the bolt tattoo on her wrist as well. It was really a shock. She isn't really the sort to take ink on a whim (obviously, neither am I) so I was really excited and touched that she wanted to do so.
           I should probably share the reason for the lightning bolt with you, so I will. In October of 2014 when we were diagnosed and I ended up finding myself with a lot of time on my hands at home. Resting while the chemo worked it's way through my system, declaring war on my sarcoma. Turned out it invaded the wrong country---sarcoma had nothing to do with this. Melanoma was the target we were needed to search for. Anyway, I had time on my hands. I found myself laying on the couch listening to a lot of songs from my high school years through YouTube. Pearl Jam happened to be one of them. Often, I would set the computer aside and read a book (yeah right)....I'd watch tv or nap. As YouTube does, it plays the video you select, but often the next song it plays is a song that is often one that sounds like or is somehow connected to the song you just listened to. One of the bands that surfaced on the playlist was Foo Fighters. A band that I gave the first album a listen to, then moved on and didn't give them a second thought....until now. Their lyrics were really connecting to what I perceived my situation to be. Odds stacked against you...passion for life, recently realized in a way it never had been before..."never surrendering". So I began to listen and then I began to look up shirts/artwork from both Pearl Jam and Foo Fighters. A common theme both bands shared was their use of lightning bolts. I decided I wanted to see a lightning bolt on myself every day of my life, to remind me that there is no such thing as odds when it comes to an individual's own emotional and physical battle with a disease. That there were other people out there that believed in never surrendering to something that can leave you feeling as if it is winning everyday because surrendering would mean that what I want to live for isn't worth fighting for. My girls will never see the white flag in my eyes.
            So, now you have some background...back to the mountain house. Over the course of our stay in the house it was SLOWLY revealed to me that 14 adults ended up getting the bolt tattoo on some place of their body. Many went with the wrist. Some went with the bicep. Others went with the side of their ribs. It was such a unifying experience. An overwhelming display of support that I never expected, nor would I ever ask someone to do. Please do not think that this is my way of encouraging anyone to run out and join the club. This is just me telling a story of how people I love came together and found a way to show (in a permanent way) their support for me and my family. Whether I'm here to see it wrinkled and faded when they are 80 years old or I'm not but my wife and daughter are,  it's something that will always reflect the unifying experience that comes from people wanting to show yet another way that they have love for me and my family. That they, along with me and my family will never surrender and will ride the lightning together, forever.

"I'll ride the wave where it takes me" -Eddie Vedder

With love,

Brian