Love Actually

              The movie, "Love Actually" was on today. Of course today is Valentine's Day, so it made sense and I watched most of it. At the end, Hugh Grant closes the movie out by saying that despite what you might feel on a daily basis, if you look around, you will see that love actually is all around. Picture it, St. Augustine, 27 hours ago. Last night a group of "friends" put together a get together for me and my family/friends. I was first told about this get together not long after we were released from the hospital in January. The idea was to get together for....well, I don't really know. At the time I learned of the party, the news from the doctors was pretty bleak and left us planning for a very uncertain future. Then last week we meet with our oncologist and learn that the new chemo is working very well.
               I'm not good at parties. Never have been. Even with a few drinks in me, spiked from girls trying to take advantage of my innocence. I'm terrible at surface conversation. Last night there were so many people in one room who I want to talk with, but for sure not enough time to talk with each of them beyond a surface level type conversation. Karen and I were both pretty overwhelmed with what was done in preparation for the event and with the turnout of people for it. The White Room, where we celebrated our marriage hosted this event. It was fully catered with an open bar, foods of all kinds, and decorated with amazing Redskin decor. The photographers we have loved since our wedding who were responsible for our wedding and photographing our family growing since then Jenn Guthrie and Brent Culbertson were there capturing every moment of the evening. Both the White Room and Brent and Jenn provided us with this evening free of charge. Just overwhelming. I mean, who does this kind of thing? Simply overwhelming. Then, Mary, Katie, and Gayle spent entirely too much of their lives/energy putting it all together. If they aren't careful I'm going to attempt to find words to tell them how much I love them.  In addition, I know a lot of people had to change/juggle their schedules to spend some time there. It really meant a lot to both of us.
              As I just mentioned, I'm not good at parties. There was a particularly strange feeling that made me a little more awkward than usual at this party. I think it was because the original reason for setting up this party was because the immediate future was uncertain and we wanted to gather loved ones to just have some time together. Now, with the immediate future appearing to be a little more certain with the cancer in my body (from the neck down) shrinking, the party seemed to take on a new meaning. I brought that up during the party and a few people said, "it's a celebration of life" (or something very similar to that). It was amazing to look around the room and take everything in, or try to...but the feeling that this party could have a very different feel to it if the news from the doctor last week had been different. It was a very strong reminder that the incredible feeling that we've been walking around with is very fragile. While things are good at the moment, one meeting with the doctor could change everything.
              I think most people were having a good time. I was trying to overcome the fact that I am terrible with surface conversation and avoid thinking about how different the evening could have been if the doctors visit had gone differently. There honestly wasn't a minute when I wasn't engaged in conversation with someone. How many people can say they've had an event put together for them with a room filled with most of your closest friends/loved ones and it wasn't their birthday or a wedding or for something specific? One of my closest friends, Trey recently said, "Why aren't we doing this kind of thing every year?" He was referring to the house we got in the mountains, but the same thought applies to get togethers like this. Why don't people do that? Why does it take something like cancer to pull people together? Not at all talking about my situation, but most people only communicate what they feel about the people they love at that person's funeral. Last night was a prime example of that. I look around and I see all of my worlds colliding. Groups of my friends who really, prior to cancer coming into the picture hadn't met outside of my wedding. I loved seeing the people closest to me, who previously didn't have a relationship independent of their relationship with me, sharing inside jokes and interacting without me there. Relationships are growing. People are communicating with me and I with them about what we mean to each other. I hope that unlike cancer, there is an infectiousness. An infectiousness that prompts others to communicate the unspoken things we all feel, but without anyone actually having the disease.

Thank you, cancer...the great facilitator of communication. 
           
With love,

Brian